Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Its Not About Me Anymore

Before I got married, I sometimes thought that having my own kid is the one thing I can't comprehend with. Not because I do not want to have it, but thinking of the responsibilities and commitment that I need to focus on them on 24/7 basis makes me a bit of less motivated to have even one.

Alhamdulillah, on the 24th day of January, 2006, my lovely wife safely delivered our first child, a girl, the first grandchild for both my parent and my parent in-law side. During the labour, I was inside the labour room with my wife and I even had the opportunity to witness the birth of my first baby, live in front of me. Waiting for the time to come is the most painfull stage, as my wife had to bear the pain of her contractions under inducement procedure.

It took us about 7 hours plus for her to bear all the pain and only 16 minutes past 9pm, our Elisa Ayuni was born. All these are my first experience and during labour, I had this ackward feelings that says I am about to be a father. All kinds of question clinging into my mind at that time. How to be a father? How to handle my very first child? What should I do next? What to call her? What will be her name? How does she looks like? Seriously, I have no idea of a feeling being a father at all. All these while, I am guessing that everything is exactly like others told me or just merely my assumption based on how my father brought me up.

A few second after my first baby was born, I had these all kind of feelings inside of me and it is a bit hard for me to explain or describe it. It feels good and it is so good until there is no words can ever explain how good it is. It is surely feels better than passing my SPM. Better than having graduated from University. Better than most things. A year before that, my friend told me about this feeling he had exactly about the same situation. No matter how hard he tried to explained it, still I can't figure it out or even imagine how does it feel. When my turn comes, I do agree with him, its really hard to described it.

The moment I have my own baby, I automatically had the fatherly instinct growing up inside of me. Babies clothing and attire in Parkson Grand are now attracts my attention. Baby toys and accessories are always be my objective during outing. The feeling of looking forward to go back home early to meet my baby is always haunting me everyday. Though am not the best father in the world, but atleast, everything I do, I've always think about my children.

Before got married, all that we cares about is our attire, impression, appearances and our convenience. The moment I become a father, such self-centred attitude were gone. Everything or anything, its all about my children. There is nothing I want more in this world than a smile and a happy face of my children. No matter how difficult our life is, their smile can make me forget all about it.

Thus make me wonders, why there are so many cases of people leaving their own babies in toilets, garbage and so forth? I couldnt stand leaving my child for a work, let alone ditching them into such places! If they dont want them, just give them to me. I will raise them like my own. No matter how hard or difficult in raising a kid, I've always thought that, we as an adult, can atleast give them a bit of a chance to live their life as much as we did. Our days left are depreciating, but their life had just begun.

Life sometimes hard and harsh. But having a child waiting in excitement for your return home daily after work... PRICELESS!!!!


cohong gym said...

I have no idea on how to raise a kid. but i am sure if i have one, i can be a good farther

HERMZZ said...

Go for it bro... We are not young anymore.